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Bonjour pouvez vous me corriger ma rédaction en anglais SVP.
Il fallait inventer une suite au texte suivant:
"When Chloe and I arrived on the long sandy beach, it was very hot. There were some people swimming or playing in the waves while others were relaxing under beach umbrellas. The sun was beating down. The deep blue sea in front of us was just so appealing.
Chloe wanted to sunbathe so I decided to go snorkelling on my own. I adjusted my mask and my snorkel, put on my flippers and advanced into the water. It felt so cool after the heat of the beach.
I swam a few yards and I saw the first corals on my left. What a fantastic sight ! The red and purple corals with yellow and blue fish swimming among them, the green seaweeds and the blue water, it was a storm of colours. There were also extraordinary seashells with strange shapes, all this was so unique !
I was admiring all these marvels when something in the distance caught my eye. I swam towards it to see what it was. After a few strokes, I saw the remains of a shipwreck and I decided to have a look. "You never know there might be a treasure in it", I thought.
I was exploring the wreck, looking for hidden treasure when I felt something pass behind me. I turned round but saw nothing. I continued my search for treasure then felt something again. This time I thought I was in danger. I started to worry. I raised my head and suddenly I saw an enormous white form coming towards me."

Voici ma rédaction:

I raised my head and suddenly I saw an enormous white form coming towards me. I was very anxious and terrified. I only saw it from behind. It was big and white. I heard it eat, so while it ate, I trying escape with the treasure but it felt me and pursued me. I couldn't swim faster than it, so I hid myself in the shepwreck. Then, I opened the treasure because I believed I was safe and it was busy to eat again.
When I opened the treasure, I was chocked, I came upon babies fishes, they were so lovely and cutes. I was looking them when suddenly the Dugong found me. Yes, I was surprised too. I googled about it and I found it's a marin and herbivorous animal. It's not dangerous, when I saw that, I stopped being worried. Indeed, it only looked for its babies to protect them, so I gave them to it. The Dugong was very pleased and joyful. At the beginning, I believed it was a violent and wicked marin animal, but, on the contrary, it was a kind animal.
Next, the Dugong let its little ones and accompanied me to the beach helping me to carry the treasure. While we arrived, Chloe was sunbathing (she does this during all the holidays, sooo boring), and when saw us, she screamed such as an opera singer. Me, I was laughing because she was afraid of the Dugong.
At the end of the holidays, about 5days later, I came back see it to say it bye. I also thought about giving it a name; I called it : the Australia Treasure. It was sad and disappointed too but the next year, I came back here (of course, without Chloe!).
This year, it was my best holidays !!!

Sagot :

I raised my head and suddenly I saw an enormous white form coming towards me. I was very anxious and terrified. I only saw it from behind. It was big and white. I heard it EATING, so while it ate, I TRIED TO escape with the treasure but it felt me and pursued me. I couldn't swim faster than it, so I hid myself in the shepwreck. Then, I opened the treasure because I believed I was safe and it  WAS TOO BUSY EATING again.

When I opened the treasure, I was chocked, I came upon BABY fishes, they were so lovely and CUTE. I was looking  AT them when suddenly the Dugong found me. Yes, I was surprised too. I googled about it and I found OUT it's a marin and herbivorous animal. It's not dangerous, when I saw that, I stopped WORRYING. Indeed, it WAS only LOOKING  for its babies to protect them, so I gave them BACK to it. The Dugong was very pleased and joyful. At the beginning, I believed it was a violent and wicked marin animal, but, on the contrary, it IS a kind animal.

Next, the Dugong let its little ones , (PAS DE AND) accompanied me to the beach  AND HELPED CARRYING the treasure. AS we arrived, Chloe was sunbathing (she does this during all the holidays, sooo boring), and when SHE saw us, she screamed such as an opera singer. AS FOR ME, I was laughing because she was afraid of the Dugong.

At the end of the holidays, about 5days later, I came back TO SEE IT AND SAY GOODBYE. I also thought about giving it a name; I called it : the Australia Treasure. It was sad and disappointed too but the next year, I WILL COME back here (of course, without Chloe!).

This year, WAS THE BEST HOLIDAYS I’VE EVER HAD!!!

Explications :

Comme observation, d'abord faire attention à tes adjectifs car tu les conjugues et les Adj sont IVARIABLES en anglais. Ensuite fais attention au temps que tu utilises, dans une phrase si tu utilise du present reste au present, si tu utilise du passe reste au passé etc.. sinon ca va c'est bien

Réponse :

I raised my head and suddenly I saw an enormous white form coming towards me. I was very anxious and terrified. I only saw it from behind. It was big and white. I heard it eat, so while it was eating, I tried to escape with the treasure but the animal felt my presence and started chasing me. I was swimming as fast as I could; finally I managed to hide behind shipwreck.

I was able to touch the bottom near the wreck, and I believed I was safe so I opened the treasure while the big form was busy eating again.

When I opened the treasure, I was speechless, I came upon baby fish individuals (fish n'a pas de pluriel), they were so lovely and cute. I was looking at them when suddenly the Dugong found me. Yes, I was also surprised.

I googled about it and I found it's a marine and herbivorous animal. It wasn’t dangerous, when I saw it, I stopped worrying. Indeed, the animal was only looking for its babies to protect them, so I gave them to it. The Dugong was very pleased and joyful. At the beginning, I believed it was a violent and wicked marine animal, but, quite the contrary, it was a kind animal.

Next, the Dugong let its little ones and accompanied me to the beach helping me to carry the treasure. While we arrived, Chloe was sunbathing (she was (sunbathing) during all holidays long, sooo... boring), and when Chloe saw us, she screamed such as an opera singer. I was laughing because she was afraid of the Dugong.

At the end of the holidays, about 5 days later, I came back see the animal to say good bye. I also thought about giving it a name; I called it : the Australia Treasure. It was sad and disappointed too but the following year, I would come back here (of course, without Chloe!).

That year, I had my best holidays !!!

Explications :

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