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Bonjour, pouvez-vous me dire si il y a des erreurs svp ? Merci et je suis en 4ème. ^^




Good morning. I am detective  Lays . I am working on a murder case. I have the photo of crime scene number one.
The crime took place in a living room. I see a dead body lying on the floor.The victim is a woman.
There are many clues. There is a knife next to the boy. There is a laptop on the couch. There are two cups on the table. The victim has blood on her hands, on her face and on her clothes. There are blood stains on the floor and a bloody handprint on the floor. There are other elements on the floor, I don’t know what they are, I have to check with detective Oceane who took the picture.
We don’t know exactly when the murder took place. Her next door neighbour  said that she was having breakfast yesterday at 7.30 a.m. when she heard someone scream. Then she heard someone calling for help. She arrived on the scene crime but it was too late, her friend was dead. She called the police at 8 a.m.
I think the victim was with someone because there are two cups on the table. So the murderer might be someone she knew. I am sure that she tried to defend herself because there is blood on her hands. She was stabbed as we can see the hole left by the knife in her sweatshirt. She was left on the floor.
We also notice that a cupboard on the left is open. We can deduce that the culprit was looking for something. As he didn’t steal the computer, his motivation was not a simple robbery.
It could be a jealous lover, it could also be the woman who called the police because it took her some time to call the police, or any other reason. I think now, we have to wait for the DNA analysis of the samples that have been taken on the scene crime by forensics experts. The investigation is not over yet.
My report is finished, I must go and question the witness.
I ‘ll talk to you later.
Bye !

Sagot :

talamasadonai

Réponse :Bonjour,

Great work :

Good morning. I am Detective Lays. I am working on a murder case. I have the photo of the first crime scene.

⇒ Detective : Titles are usually capitalized when they are used before a name.

⇒ Prefer "the first", than "number one".

The crime took place in a living room. I see a dead body lying on the floor. The victim is a woman. There are many clues. There is a knife next to the boy. There is a laptop on the couch. There are two cups on the table. The victim has blood on her hands, on her face and on her clothes. There are blood stains on the floor and a bloody handprint on the floor. There are other elements on the floor, I don’t know what they are, I have to check with Detective Oceane who took the picture. We don’t know exactly when the murder took place. Her next-door neighbour said that she was having breakfast yesterday at 7.30 a.m. when she heard someone scream. Then she heard someone calling for help.

⇒ Good job !

She arrived on the crime scene but it was too late, her friend was dead. She called the police at 8 a.m.

⇒ "crime scene" or "scene of the crime".

I think the victim was with someone because there are two cups on the table. So the murderer might be someone she knew. I am sure that she tried to defend herself because there is blood on her hands. She was stabbed as we can see,  (since) there is a hole left by the knife in her sweatshirt. She was left on the floor.

We also notice that a cupboard on the left is open. We can deduce that the culprit was looking for something. As he didn’t steal the computer, his motivation was not a simple robbery.

It could be a jealous lover, it could also be the woman who called the police because it took her some time to call the police, or any other reason. I think now, we have to wait for the DNA analysis of the samples that have been taken on the scene crime by forensics experts. The investigation is not over yet.

My report is finished, I must go and question the witness.

I ‘ll talk to you later.

Bye !

⇒ Excellent work, keep going :)

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